I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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