I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
