i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
