The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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