i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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