I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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