I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
