have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
