you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
