It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
