I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
