I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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