she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
