Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
