Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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