If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
