If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
