the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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