he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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