Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
