Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
