oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
