Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
