..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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