This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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