Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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