Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
