I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
