Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
