please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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