don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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