I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
