420 ftw
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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