you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
