I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
