turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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