He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
being pregnant is like rehab
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
