I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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