i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
