if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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