Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
