When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
