Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
