between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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