One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
