Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
