hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
