Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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