I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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