No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
