he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
