turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
