life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
